Ever wonder why you binge on food a week into your new weight loss plan, procrastinate on writing the book you know you want to, or say all of the wrong things at the job interview you desperately hope to crush?
These are all forms of self-sabotage — and according to Kate Connolly, an intuitive healer, teacher, and DailyOM course creator, the root cause of these subconscious behaviors lies in what’s known as your “shadow side.”
“Everybody has a shadow,” she says of the term coined by Carl Jung, the father of analytical psychology. “If you are not already living your perfect life or on your way, then you likely have a shadow, or sabotage, that’s impacting you.”
So how can you course-correct these unhealthy behaviors that have been getting in your way for as long as you can remember? Well, it starts with bringing your shadow into the light.
Interested in learning more? Check out Overcome the Shadow Holding You Back
Based on an intuitive hunch at the age of 20, Kate Connolly decided to pursue chiropractic work — and from there, she discovered the worlds of wellness and spirituality. Over the past 15 years, she has honed skills in chiropractic, naturopathy, kinesiology, and energy healing, which led her to a holistic approach to healing others. With a firm belief in our ability to heal ourselves, she now guides individuals on journeys of self-discovery, self-love, and self-empowerment through her teachings and her book, The Intuitive Heart Revolution. Additionally, she runs the Intuitive Mastery School. “It’s for people who want a community and to feel seen and heard in their journey, because it can be a lonely one,” she explains.
Your shadow is a part of your unconscious that controls your life without you realizing it, Connelly says. “It’s the part of you that says negative things to yourself, chooses to stay in pain rather than to heal, or talks you out of growth, change, and possibility.”
Not surprisingly, your shadow side has a big impact on your beliefs, emotions, and behavior, Connolly notes. “As humans we spend about 80 to 90 percent of our lives on autopilot, functioning from our conditioning rather than from who we actually want to be,” she says. “This keeps us stuck in jobs we don’t like, relationships that don’t serve us, and in levels of stress that are destined to make us unwell.”
Connolly adds that the root of our shadows can be complex. “It’s the culmination of beliefs from your ancestors, past lives, and other incarnations. We carry all of that around because part of our mission is to become aware of those parts and to heal them,” she says.
And in order to upend our self-sabotaging behaviors, we need to change these deeply ingrained beliefs — and that all starts with healing our shadow.
The whole purpose of bringing your shadow to light is to increase self-awareness and create a more balanced, healed self, Connolly says. “This work helps to heal the parts of you that sabotage your goals, relationships, and health. You can even heal generational trauma and have better interactions and relationships with your loved ones,” she adds.
Practically speaking, healing your shadow can help you move past your fear of intimacy and allow yourself to really connect to your partner, Connolly explains. “And you can actually nail your job interviews, rather than feeling unconfident and coming across as inexperienced, reach your ideal health goals, and end your struggle with money.”
On a spiritual level, she says, healing your shadow side is like hitting fast-forward on your self-actualization journey. This is because you embrace the tools to heal, which might include journaling, meditation, mindfulness, and slowing down. “You can live with more self-compassion and forgiveness, and you nurture the ability to let go and be present in your life,” she says.
Some telltale signs that your shadow is begging to be seen, per Connolly, are feeling emotionally dysregulated on a regular basis; struggling to meet your goals; constantly second-guessing or doubting yourself; allowing yourself to be taken advantage of or martyring yourself to others’ needs; feeling tightness in your chest, experiencing anxiety or other visceral contractions when you think about things; and/or living in a victim mentality and blaming others or the universe for your life circumstances.
The good news is that when you delve into shadow work and heal this unconscious part of yourself, all of these feelings and behaviors get turned on their head. And this allows you to be able to feel a huge sense of relief.
Read on for some of the biggest ways in which examining your shadow side can transform life as you know it.
When you commit to working on your shadow, you’re making a decision to take a breather and really take a look at your life. “The process of slowing down to start diving into yourself can improve your immune system and increase longevity,” Connolly says.
Slowing down helps your nervous system return to a more balanced state (away from the fight-flight-freeze response), which is essential for healing. It’s widely known that slowing down helps to activate our parasympathetic nervous system (PNS), which is responsible for the “rest and digest” mechanism needed for bringing our bodies back to homeostasis. According to research, switching on the PNS is essential for regulating important bodily functions, such as digestion.
“As you heal more and more of your shadow, you will have increasingly less noise in your mind,” Connolly says. “You will be less distracted and less worried about things that aren’t real, and as a result, you will be able to think clearly and learn to follow your intuition.”
After all, you can’t hear that inner voice — aka your heart — when you’re always in the monkey mind of distraction and subconscious thought patterns.
Another benefit of healing your shadow, per Connolly: “You will be able to be self-aware enough to avoid or stop conflict, help to diffuse situations, and otherwise stay detached in highly charged situations.”
In other words, shadow work builds emotional resilience — and because you’re able to slow down and see the bigger picture, you’re not as impacted by what others say or do, or their emotional responses.
Shadow work gives you the skills to heal self-sabotaging behaviors, Connolly notes. “You will be able to work through any sabotages so that you can actually reach your goals, rather than feeling like yourself, others, or the universe are getting in the way,” she explains.
For example, if you have a shadow that doesn’t support abundance — e.g., earning more money — feeling financially secure may feel impossible to you. “When it’s time to get the better job, you might either struggle at the interview or, if you get the job, it [can be] unlikely to last,” Connolly says. “Money, like everything else, is in the mindset.” And when you heal the root cause (your shadow), the floodgates finally open.
If your shadow is active, it can feel like you simply can’t affect change in your life, no matter how hard you try. “But once you realign your beliefs with your soul energy and your true life direction, your emotions and behaviors will follow,” Connolly tells us.
“As you start to focus more on where you want to be rather than where you’ve been, the universe can easily support you in tangible ways, so that your life reaches a level of flow and success you’ve never had before.”
Part of healing the shadow is learning to accept your emotions as an integral part of who you are, Connolly tells us. “As you learn how to process emotions, without fear or judgment, you will also hold onto less resentment, anger, and frustration in your life and with others.”
Numerous studies have shown that emotional regulation positively contributes to overall well-being.
Everything in this universe of ours is energy that emits a certain vibrational frequency. According to Connolly, your vibrational frequency increases, or raises, by doing shadow work — and this impacts everyone and everything around you.
“As you level up, everyone you come into contact with will also be coded with these changes and will accordingly change,” she explains. “Whether you begin to experience a more peaceful household, less conflict at work, or a more successful sporting team, everyone you are in contact with will benefit from this work. It’s a very powerful practice to be able to do this, and all you have to do is focus on yourself.”
Learning to tune into yourself and your shadow is something that you and everyone around you will greatly benefit from. “Anyone who can recognize and see that their life isn’t what they want it to be, who can see behaviors and belief systems that are not serving them, can benefit from this work,” Connolly says.
“And the more you commit to the process and choose yourself over pleasing others or avoidance, you can change whatever you’d like, regardless of your past,” she adds. “I’ve seen almost miraculous changes in people when I expected it to take years for them to heal. It’s all up to you and your commitment to yourself.”
One thing is clear: You’re more powerful than your shadow — and by being courageous enough to do the work, you can heal and find deep personal freedom.
